# Opening Shots (Dec. 1979) **URL:** **By** Bill Birmingham **Published:** December 1, 1979 --- “Believe it or not, there is a law of the United States which forbids the U.S. Treasury to borrow more than $400-billion.” Believe it or not, there is a law of the United States which forbids the U.S. Treasury to borrow more than $400-billion. So how is it that the national debt currently stands at some $830-billion? Why, several times a year Congress “temporarily” allows the Treasury to borrow more. This gives the solons a chance to posture as fiscally responsible; railing against deficit spending before authorizing more of it. Posturing is all it is, of course; none of them would dream of letting the “temporary” debt ceiling expire (“We’d bring the Government to a halt,” one horrified Congresscritter said recently). So perhaps it’s just as well that the House, which needed two votes to pass the latest “temporary” increase, voted to end the posturing and subsume the ritual ceiling-raising into the annual budget process. There’s no point, after all, in forcing our rulers to march to the abyss if we can’t make them jump in. Starting next year, twelve gallant, self-sacrificing volunteers will get $25 a day to eat beans for science. It’s all part of a research project planned by University of British Columbia food scientist Brent Skura, who feels that beans could help solve the world’s food problems if some method of limiting bean-induced flatulence were found. Dr. Skura will observe the twelve to determine what factors control gas production, in hopes that science can someday produce a less windy vegetable. The Canadian Ministry of Agriculture is subsidizing the search for the breezeless bean with a $36,000 grant. Yr hmbl srvnt must apologize for last month’s column, in which he called the Blessed Susan Brownmiller “the walking argument for patriarchy” and an advocate of censorship. Like Geoffrey Stokes of the _Village Voice_ (“The First Amendment Bullies,” _Voice_; August 20, 1979), he took Brownmiller’s enthusiasm for the pro-censorship rantings of Warren Burger, which she parroted in a _Newsday_ article reprinted in the _Los Angeles Times_, to mean that she, too, favored government censorship of pornography. But a letter to the _Voice_ by anti-porn Maenads Marilyn Hayes and Dorchen Leidholdt has set us straight: “Stokes’s \[and, perforce, ‘Opening Shot’s’\] characterization of Susan Brownmiller as ‘an enemy of the First Amendment’ is unfounded. He \[and OS\] chooses to ignore the fact that in her _Newsday_ article she calls not for government censorship, but for the views and welfare of women to be taken into consideration when communities determine what can and can’t be displayed in public.” We’re sure the reader will appreciate the difference. The Post Office, the GSA, Amtrak, and now . . . “The chairman of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission said yesterday that the NRC might take control of a stricken nuclear power plant in the event of another accident like Three Mile Island.” (_Washington Post_, October 4, 1979.) Call it The Washington Syndrome. And for yet further illumination on the question of censorship, heed the words of Rabbi Abraham Hecht, president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America, who denounces Monty Python’s satirical movie _Life of Brian_ as “blasphemous, sacrilegious and an incitement to possible violence,” and perhaps even to impossible violence. Questions of First Amendment bullying do not arise, says Hecht, because “Blasphemy and sacrilege are not protected by the First Amendment.” Pity one can’t hold a pogrom for just one person. As the anointing of Teddy Kennedy proceeds, Montana gun collectors, too, are paying tribute to the nation’s most rabid advocate of gun control. In recognition of the Senator’s “resolute stand against the Constitution of the United States,” says the newspaper _Gun Week_, the Weapons Collectors Society of Montana awarded him “an elk horn bolo tie, handcrafted by James Crosan of Post Falls, Idaho, depicting the posterior of a horse.” Unfortunately that’s probably the only Kennedy ass Carter has any chance of whipping. The U.S. Army would seem to be a prime candidate for gun controls: it has contrived to lose thousands of .50- caliber machine guns. Senator Charles Percy of Illinois asked the Government Accounting Office a few months ago if it would investigate the Army’s plan to buy 1530 M-2 machine guns at a cost of $10.2- million. And lo! the GAO discovered, lying unused on the Army’s own shelves (and those of the Navy, Air Force and some foreign countries), nearly 10,000 such weapons “that could be modified for Army use at a fraction of the cost of new weapons.” An Army official told the GAO that “the Army has recently initiated \[unspecified\] procedural changes which should preclude similar unnecessary buys in the future.” In the wake of Andy Young’s resignation, _Newsweek_ hinted darkly that the sainted Mr. Young was a victim of the Mossad, the Israeli secret service, which may have spied on his meeting with PLO representative Zehdi Terzi. Indeed, _Newsweek_ claimed that the Mossad can count on “the help of American Jews in and out of government . . . ‘Mossad can go to any distinguished American Jew and ask for his help,’ says a former CIA agent.” In an excellent article on these matters in the _New Republic_ (“_Andy Young’s Undoing_,” September 15, 1979), _Jerusalem Post_ correspondent Wolf Blitzer heatedly denied the charge: “Are Harold Brown, Henry Kissinger, Robert Strauss, and dozens of other former and present senior US officials who happen to be Jewish really potential Israeli spies? Ridiculous.” But he did not stop there: “Several strategically placed Jews with access to information that could be very useful to the Israelis insist that they never have been approached by Israeli intelligence.” No doubt. Which suggests that the FBI has been squander-ing our money following Russians, East Europeans, and the like around to see if they’re spies—even when they “insist” that they aren’t. Perhaps we can hire Mr. Blitzer to take over the job. What price “privatization”? _Time_ magazine reports that Wichita, Kansas, has formed a citizens crime commission to help the police shoulder the burden of law enforcement. “It is headed by former G-man Maurice (‘Corky’) Cocho-ran, 60, who likes making ‘a stakeout’ and boasts of nip-ping a bingo operation and an abortion ring.” After President Mobutu of Zaire visited Washington, claims the _Wall Street Journal_, national security advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski sent Jimmy Carter a note: “You should know that rhinoceros horns such as the one Mobutu gave you are second only to unicorn horns as an aphrodisiac. (Can I borrow it sometime?)” (The Presidential response supposedly was: “If you certify your need and identify your partner.”) This should be kept in mind when pondering the First Lady’s assertion that “Hamilton Jordan is as different from his image as anybody I know . . . a very clean-cut, very decent young man.” (_The New York Times_, September 22, 1979.) On September 25, the House passed a resolution accusing the Soviet Union of systematically failing to deliver American mail to Jews, dissidents, and other unpopular minorities. This is a terrible example of Soviet oppression. In the good old USA, the U.S. Postal Service systematically fails to deliver mail to everyone, regardless of race, creed or political opinion. Our Doublespeak Award goes this month to Mr. Eugene S. Sunshine of the New York State Energy Office, for his description of the 78 degree cooling limit for commercial buildings: “In large measure, this is a voluntary program, even though it’s mandatory.” (Quoted in _Forbes_, September 3, 1979.) Great Moments in Political Philosophy, Zen Populist Division: On September 19, new-fangled politician Jerry Brown treated the annual convention of the AFL- CIO’s Industrial Union Department to some old-fashioned demagoguery in opposing a tax cut. “I’ll tell you what’s going to happen to that tax cut,” Brown told the enthusiastic delegates “People are going to go out and buy Perrier water, Swedish crackers \[Swedish crackers?\], Mercedes Benzes and Italian shoes.” Better that, we suppose, than California fruitcakes. “Speculation over whether Linda Rondstadt wants to be California Governor Jerry Brown’s first lady can stop,” declares _Utah Liberty_, newsletter of the Utah Libertarian Party. “Knowing his monastic background, she probably already was.”