Exercise in Self-Discovery

Most of us are aware, in our daily lives, of feeling helpless or inhibited in dealing with personal problems, of feeling blocked in thinking about problems, or in communicating with other people—people that we are close to and have intimate relationships with. This is particularly true in our problems and relationships with people that we love—and the result is that we find that pain, hurt, anger, and fear become part of our daily lives. The pain, the hurt, the anger, and the fear combine to produce deep-seated feelings of resistance to communication beyond a superficial level, feelings of frustration and loneliness. Couples whose relationships start out open and exciting gradually decay by imperceptible degrees until they no longer have anything to say to each other, and eventually they may even forget why they are together at all. Some people accept this pattern as an inevitable part of life, as a part of some universal human tragedy. Others—like Nathaniel Branden—try to do something about it.

Exercise In Self-Discovery is a cassette tape-recorded exercise taken from Branden’s practice of psychotherapy, and it is an attempt to provide ways and means for individuals to conquer these problems, to remove some of the blocks to thinking and communication, which so often inhibit us in our attempts to achieve happiness. Branden explains the principles behind the exercise, gives us examples of how it works, and explains how we can use it in helping to surmount some of these problems.

The principle behind the exercise is not complicated: Branden has observed that direct attempts to examine a problem often fail because blocks and inhibitions are thrown up. The purpose of this exercise is to remove those blocks, to remove much of the pressure to come up with a “right” answer, and to remove the possibility and temptation to argue about psychological insights or problems. “Many of my clients have found it useful,” states Branden, “and I have trained them how to use it at home. The very least it will do is to get to know yourself better and more deeply than you ever have before... and so will the person working with you, so that if two people really want to get to know each other and to reach the depths of intimacy that perhaps they never imagined possible, well, this technique will take them there. With practice, you may learn how to understand yourself much better and to understand why you do the things you do and to grow, in consequence.”

The exercise involves two people working together, face-to-face, while sitting on the floor. Branden presents a list of about 75 sentence fragments such as “I am a person who...”—“ever since I was a child...”—“mother made me feel...”—“if I were willing to let myself be embarassed, I might tell you...”—“you make me feel angry when...”—and “one of the ways you hurt me is...” Each person, in turn, repeats the fragment ten or fifteen times, with different endings supplied by him each time. No discussion, conversation, or argument is allowed here. The object is to “get into” oneself and to flow with these sentences, to open oneself up. The result is that you will often find yourself coming out with information, insights, and answers which will surprise you. Many people who have not communicated successfully for years may begin to discover why their relationship has stagnated and developed into a frustratingly superficial one, or even one in which silence, taunts, barbs, pain, and anger are the normal, not the exceptional. People who do not remember how they related to their parents as small children often remember; people who have not communicated with each other for years may do so for the first time; people who have not thought seriously about the course of their lives in years, often begin to do just that.

If this sounds amazing, then to discover how it can really work in practice is even more so, particularly since it seems so very simple. I have just touched on the content of the sentences, and on how to use them—Branden explains both in detail on this cassette. I am not one of those who thinks that psychology is a solution to all the world’s problems, but it seems clear that it can provide the solutions to some psychological problems, at least. This Exercise in Self-Discovery is something that I and a great many other people have found highly effective in this regard. Those who work with it seriously will find it to be of immense value. Highly recommended.

Reviewed by R. A. Childs, Jr. / Cassette Recording / (Tape #541, 43 Minutes) / BFL Price $9.95